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Poetry
Sept 7, 2012 14:23:30 GMT
Post by esperanza on Sept 7, 2012 14:23:30 GMT
Dog-Day Decadence
Blue sky - spectrum of hope. We stand with eyes open, legs bare, Damp grass under wet feet. Love and loss, intertwined and unflinching Amidst the aching joy of a July morn. I stare up and try to think, Not of you, but eternal things
All lost in the decadent rush Of this moment. Unlike you,
They need not fear the coming spectres Which loom towards the fresh horizon.
Yet, sometimes to look beyond ourselves
Is to be blinded by the sun
So I satisfy myself with feeling,
Life, and hope to know no more.
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Poetry
Sept 8, 2012 13:01:19 GMT
Post by secretly_broken on Sept 8, 2012 13:01:19 GMT
I really like this! I like the imagery - it conveys the whole mood and tone of the poem very well! The only critique I have is that perhaps breaking it into two stanzas would read better. Stanza two could start at "Yet, sometimes to look beyond ourselves" so that the 2nd stanza was a little more reflective than the first.
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Poetry
Sept 8, 2012 17:32:16 GMT
Post by esperanza on Sept 8, 2012 17:32:16 GMT
Thank you! That was originally where the second stanza began but I made a typographical error when posting. I'll fix it now. Do you think the title fits? I wasn't sure.
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Poetry
Sept 8, 2012 19:02:07 GMT
Post by secretly_broken on Sept 8, 2012 19:02:07 GMT
Oh, okay. I think the title is quite fitting actually.
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